Ultimate Reality

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY
Law of Mechanical Repair > After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity > Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability > The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers > If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi > If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law > If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath > When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of the Nap > As soon as you doze off the phone will ring. (reminds me of the bath)

Law of Close Encounters > The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result > When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics > The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater > At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the asle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law > As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers > If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces > The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance > If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy > As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law > If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.